Creative Writing #11

It’s dark and I’m frightened.  I’m frightened of myself, mostly, because I alone have the power to love and think and feel for myself.  Phantom pains of a heart I’ve never before broken plague me sometimes, and I hope they are no prophetic harbinger of evil times ahead.  I wish I could know, but I don’t, and I really don’t want to.  I want to be the best, and I could not, I think, bear failure.  People are far too complex for me to understand, and the most you can do is trust in them without understanding why.  It’s something beyond reason, beyond the mind.  I’m sure you know how difficult that is.  I’m frankly quite scared that I’ll put too much of my heart into one place and lose far too much for me to handle.  But how can I do anything else?  I wish it weren’t so, but it is.  So I straighten my lapels and emerge into the sun, just as I am.  Everyone can see my faults and weaknesses.  Everyone could, potentially, take advantage of them.  But I hope they don’t.  I pray they don’t.  And they do not.  I face the darkness I’ve been fearing with the sun at my back and it seems not quite as dark as it did before.  The quiet disturbance is soothed, but not quenched, and I know there is worse to come.  But for now, the fear ebbs.

For my fantastic friend's lovely counterpart of this concurrent themed creative writing project, click http://thedancingladybug.blogspot.com/     =)